K19

sometimes i feel like my guts swell when i see people i care about.

we all love something

let us all relax, please

i want the sun on my skin again

i dont feel very well. i should have sex or something.

so tired.

yesterday had so much more energy than today.

still, no one can seem to keep up with me

what changes a house from being a home? personally ive found that in order to feel at home somewhere, it has to have plenty of personality that you can agree with. sometimes, a friend’s apartment is where you really want to be, or even somewhere at a park, or on a rooftop somewhere. some wall colours make people want to leave, some make people calm down. take a look around where you live and see if the personality is good enough to make you feel at home. everyone deserves that at the very least.

every day, we are all looking for happiness. some seek it in monetary value, others look for their soulmate, and some even believe their happiness lies in an oscar, or some other form of prestige. we mustn’t forget other things that bring people bliss though, food, animals, certain weather, even objects like cars, or nature. i’m only at my happiest for very small portions of time, minutes maybe, but i’m generally happy all of the time. my happiest moments come from activities. painting, drawing, sitting on the train in the morning, my guy’s dumb smile, my best friend’s dances, and of course a really good steak. next time you think you’re having one of those moments, don’t say anything, just smile really big because it could end up being the best moment of your life and you wouldn’t even know it

highways and trains are prime places where i take into consideration just how massive the world is. in each car, there could be, let’s say, three people. and in each train car, who knows, maybe up to fifty? hell if i know, ive never been a good judge of number. anyways, look at all these potential people you’ve never met. to me, it seems incredibly likely that within all these cars i go by and all these people i am constantly on trains with, that some of them would be great people. people who would understand who i was, or even be in the same situation i am. of course, there will always be terrible people in these cars and trains as well, but it still always puts me in perspective to see just how many people there really are around me, and to see how few i actually come in verbal contact with.

religion is just one of those things i wish i could be a part of. my family was not raised religious, nor were the families of any of my close friends. i want to be a part of something that will last beyond death. i want to feel a sense of security that these moments aren’t as important as i make them out to be. if only i were religious, then i wouldn’t feel as if i needed to be by him all the time, using up the time i’ve got left with the person that makes me so happy.